KATIE’S QUEST FOR TRUTH
And you shall seek Me, and find Me, when you shall search for Me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13
Life isn’t easy on a girl when she’s thirteen. Especially when her mother isn’t around to explain the changes taking place in her body. Life decided to give me another concern today, with the knowledge that there are people in this world that deny God exists.
How can that be possible? He has always been a major part of my life. One of the first songs I learned to sing in Sunday School was JESUS LOVES ME.
My childhood has been one of watching my dad’s relationship with the Lord. He taught me to pray early in life, and to trust God in all that I do. We never miss church, unless we’re ill. Even on vacations Daddy always takes me to worship the Lord. He asks his Father in heaven to bless our food, to protect us, and to guide our paths. He also prays for Mama, even though she left us years ago.
Not everyone I know goes to church, but I have never heard anyone question God’s authenticity. That’s a big word that my English teacher decided we needed to learn how to spell and to use in a sentence. Everybody in my life believes there is a God. For some unknown reason, my teacher decided we needed to know how to spell atheist. She’s big on spelling lists, and using those words correctly in a sentence.
That’s the reason Doubt landed hard onto my left shoulder. Faith gently touched down onto my right one. Doubt reminded me how I had once believed in Santa Claus. Faith recalled that Daddy had told me the truth when I had asked him for it. To be honest, hearing that truth was hard. I had loved that jolly old fraud, and all that went with him.
Now, Christmas for me is all about Jesus. I enjoy singing carols which spread the joy of the season that celebrates His birth. I love giving gifts and also receiving them. Daddy told me about all the pagan customs that are part of this sacred holiday. He said Jesus wasn’t born in the wintertime. I was worried about celebrating it, but he assured me that God sees your heart where Christmas is concerned.
I dearly love and need Jesus Christ. The thought that the witnesses in the Bible are not telling us the truth is terrifying. I’ll never forget the first time I read about the death of Jesus. He cried out on the Cross, because God had turned His face away from Him. I was only nine years old, but I understood what it meant to be forsaken.
For the first time ever, I was angry with God. I ran to Daddy in tears and demanded answers. My heart was breaking. I remember Daddy’s face. First, he was surprised and then concerned. He had pulled me onto his lap, and held me close. He calmly explained about all the sin of the world being placed onto our Savior, as he hung on that Cross. Daddy said God was turning away from the sin, not His dearly beloved Son.
I felt compelled to voice my objection. Bitter tears flowed, as I scolded God for breaking Jesus’ heart that day. I meant no disrespect, but I felt it was wrong to hurt Him so deeply. Daddy had tenderly defended God and His wonderful plan to save mankind.
Today, I understand why. But reading the details in Scripture about my Savior’s suffering and horrible death is hard for me. Afterwards, when He defeats death, it’s an amazing read.
How is it that my feelings towards God are so strong and yet Doubt is tormenting me? I hate this uncertainty! There’s only one way to find out the truth. I’m going to ask God every day to reveal Himself to me, until I know the truth. I want Him to send Doubt back to where it came from. I need a one-on-one encounter with Jesus.
Maybe Daddy will be as appalled as I am by this dreadful spelling word. A part of me is apprehensive about asking him. He did once tell me to go to sleep, so Santa could come and eat the cookies we had baked for him. Daddy ate those cookies. I wonder what he will say about Doubt becoming a part of my life.
Dear Readers, Katherine Delaney loves the Lord, but doubt has been seeded into her young mind. Katie contends with her misgivings, her faith, growing up, and her beloved father aging. When her mother wishes to reenter her life, she struggles to forgive her for leaving. Her mother’s return also strains her friendship with her best friend. In all of this, Katie is daily asking God to prove His existence to her.
You may follow her adventures in Katie’s Quest for Truth. It is available on this blog as an eBook, and at Barnes and Noble. Search that place by my name, Patricia Gunn Hall. I would appreciate any feedback from you. If you’re reading this, I have prayed for you. If you’re searching for God, DO NOT give up. He WILL make Himself known to sincere seekers.
