That’s the title of my 4th book. I would like to share a few pages of the 1st chapter with you, dear Readers. My characters travel in a Gypsy wagon across the land, while trusting God to protect them and to direct their paths. This journey is life changing for them.

Agatha Jane Beckett was sitting beside an open window and crocheting. Hearing her daughter returning from her horse ride, she looked up. When Samantha Jane walked through the front door, Agatha realized she was upset. She was a slender girl of eighteen, graceful and unusually attractive.

“Mama, I’ll be back down as soon as I change.”

Watching her walk upstairs, Agatha contemplated the rigid body and the stubborn set of her jaw. Sighing, she continued working on the black shawl. Lately, the stitches were harder to see by lamplight, especially while working with dark colors. Reflecting on her age, the changes in her body and her mid-life fantasy, made her frown.

She was still frowning when Samantha returned. “Mama, the light’s better outside. Come sit on the porch with me.” Flopping down onto the top step, Samantha began to unbraid her long, dark brown hair and vigorously brush it.

Agatha quietly sat down on the porch swing and returned to her crocheting. She watched her child pull her hair back and tie it with a red ribbon, before getting up to pace across the yard. “You’re restless this afternoon, Sam. What’s troubling you?”

Walking up the steps, she knelt before her mother and studied her beautiful face. “I’ve been riding for hours and thinking. I ended up at Papa’s grave. I told him . . . now I’m telling you. I’m not going to marry Matthew Clark.”

Sucking in her breath, she searched her daughter’s eyes and watched a scowl appear. “Now, Samantha . . . your wedding is only weeks away. May I ask why? Why now? What’s happened?”

“I feel trapped! Smothered!” She said defiantly. “That’s what has happened!”

“Those are strong words. Why trapped?”

“I know you and Papa always wanted us to marry. The Clarks did too. My heart is telling me to run . . . run as fast as I can. Mama, if I marry him, I’ll die inside . . . long before I leave this world.”

Agatha looked at her in astonishment. “I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

“Please try to consider my feelings. I want to honor your and Papa’s wishes, but I’ve never felt such dread or determination not to do something.” She put her head onto her mother’s lap. “Help me. I’m overwhelmed with emotions.”

“Honey, I’m so sorry. I never meant to push you into a marriage.” She stroked the side of her face and cupped it when Samantha lifted tear-filled eyes. “I knew you weren’t crazy in love with him, but I believed that would come with time. You’re fond of him.”

“I do care about Matthew, but I don’t want to live my life five miles from where I was born.  I long to see places I’ve never seen.”

“Strange that you feel this way, Samantha. That longing has settled onto me, too. I’ve been thinking of an adventure for a while.” She watched surprise fill her daughter’s eyes as she dried them.

“Restlessness, Mama . . . you’re uneasy, too?” She rose to sit beside her.

“More bored with life, maybe. I’m thirty-seven years old. I don’t want to live the rest of my days here . . . just waiting to join Samuel in heaven.”

She paused to look deep into Samantha’s eyes. “I’ve been making plans to set out for the Pacific Ocean . . . after you were married to Matthew.”

“No! Mama! You were going to leave me?” She looked in horror at the woman so like herself. She noticed a few silver hairs at the temples. A few lines around the eyes. Matthew had said he knew exactly how Samantha would look as she aged, by looking at her mother.

“Precious daughter . . . I like to daydream, while I play with the thread.” Her face was troubled. “I have my adventure mapped out in my head, but . . . I don’t know if I would have followed through. I do dream of it.” She sighed and looked down at the shawl.

Samantha frowned and then whispered, “Tell me about this dream, Mama.”

Agatha lifted her head and searched the identical hazel eyes. “Every morning I point the Dollhouse West . . . if it’s my desire to do so. I meet interesting people along the way, see the land, the flowers, the different wildlife. Each day would be an adventure.”

Agatha nodded and smiled at the delight she saw in Samantha’s eyes. “I just finished reading The Journals of Lewis and Clark.” I don’t want to sit here and just grow old. There are places to see and people to meet.”

“You would’ve gone out there alone, Mama?” she asked, in horror. “What if you get sick or hurt? You’re not afraid?”

“Honey, I don’t fear anything in this world . . . except for God. I strongly feel He’s encouraging me to follow my dreams. My almighty, all-knowing, loving Father will be on this journey with me.”

Samantha jumped up. “Us, Mama! I am definitely going with you. It gives me such hope to think of this adventure. I’ve felt so hopeless . . . thinking I must marry Matthew. Let’s begin as soon as possible. Will you sell this place?”

Excitement filled Agatha’s eyes. “I’ve had several offers over the years, but I was going to give the place to you and Matthew as a wedding gift.” She paused to look at the roses growing on a trellis near them. “Yes, I’ll sell it.”

“I want to leave as soon as we can. I dread telling Matthew.”

“I’ll go and see him tomorrow and ask if he wants to buy the place. His father coveted this land before he died, but he isn’t the only one. Just last Sunday, I had a very gracious offer from Shady Boswell.”

“I saw you talking to Mr. Boswell after the service.”

“He’s been asking about our place, ever since he built the Dollhouse for me. Out of respect for my friendship with the Clarks, I’ll ask Matthew if he wants it. Would you like for me to tell him that you’re going with me?”

“I wish it were that easy, Mama. I must do this . . . so we’ll have closure. He has pride. I shouldn’t wound it.”

“What a wise daughter I have.” She hugged her. “Let’s eat and go to bed with the chickens. I have lots to do tomorrow.”

“I’m afraid sleep won’t come easy for me. My mind’s very busy.”

“Would you like to read about Lewis and Clark’s travels? Maybe you’ll have sweet dreams of following in their footsteps.”

“Yes, reading may be the answer to calm my nerves. Will we go where they went?”

“Most of their journey was on water, sweetheart. The Dollhouse’s bottom is sealed and it will float, but I think we’ll stay on land. Unless we’re crossing a river. I do dread that.”

Mother and daughter rode their black fillies, Sable and Bella, to the Clark Ranch. Both were quiet with thoughts of their own, but Agatha silently prayed for her child. She watched the stubborn lift of her chin, as she asked to speak to Matthew alone. His eyebrows went up before saying, “Come into the office.”

She couldn’t hear Samantha’s voice, but his response was loud and clear. “What kind of foolish idea has your mother put into your head? Two women can’t travel across this country alone! You’ll be killed! Or worse. You’re both beautiful women!”

Samantha calmly walked past her mother to the horses and Agatha stood to face the large, angry man following her child. “Matthew, as a courtesy, I have come to offer my land for sale.”

His brown eyes were flashing, as he watched Samantha put her foot in the stirrup and settle onto the saddle. “Mrs. Beckett, you’re a simpleton if you think I’ll provide funds for your irresponsible behavior.”

He impatiently swiped his fingers through his brown hair, before turning his wild eyes upon Agatha. “Samuel Beckett is turning over in his grave! You’re encouraging Samantha to make the mistake of her life! This is insanity!”

“Matthew, take care with your words and anger. They will cost you dearly. You’re not the only one that wants my land. As for my daughter, she’s an extremely wise woman. My offer expires at noon tomorrow.” She turned and walked to Sable.

“Find another buyer!” he yelled as they rode away.

“I was hoping he wouldn’t buy the place. Shady Boswell wants the furniture and equipment too. His son is getting married. He’ll take good care of the home Samuel built.” She watched her daughter’s face and saw her frown change into a smile.

“Mama,” she giggled. “Life is very good and exciting again. I feel unfettered as that hawk flying above us and shouting his challenge to all. I hear free, free in his ‘kee, kee’. Do you hear it?”

Agatha chuckled and looked up at the hawk. “I believe I do.” 

 “Huh! Matthew Clark was the mistake of my life! All he cares about is that ranch.”

“Honey, I’m so sorry. Even as a small boy, Matthew was always claiming you were to marry him. You two seemed very close.”

“Like a brother and sister would’ve been, Mama. He doesn’t realize it, but he feels the same way. Huh! He needs to find someone that makes his heart race.”

Agatha quietly wondered at the wisdom of those words. She and Samuel had many disagreements, but they always worked them out, because of their racing hearts.

They had just returned from selling the homestead to Shady Boswell, when Matthew rode up to the porch. “Mrs. Beckett, I want to apologize for the way I spoke to you. Please forgive me. I was very upset, but that’s no reason for me to be so disrespectful. I’m very sorry.”

“I accept your apology. Of course, you have my forgiveness. Would you like to join us for coffee and dinner?”

Matthew glanced at Samantha. “I really need to speak with your daughter. If she’ll give me a few minutes?”

“Go ahead, Mama. I’ll join you soon.”

“Could we walk . . . while we talk, Sam? I’m too skittish to sit still,” he said.

She started towards the pond and he fell in step with her. “Girl, is there anything I can do to change your mind? I can’t accept living without you.”

“My decision may upset you now, but one day you’ll have fond thoughts of me. When you meet a woman that takes your breath away and causes your heart to race, you’ll recall my words of wisdom.”

“I’m recalling your last words . . . when you broke our engagement. I’ve thought about your wanting to travel and see other places. I’d take you wherever you want to go, but once the children come along . . . well . . . we’ll need to stay put.”

“I can’t bear the thought of living my life five miles from where I was born.” She looked deep into his brown eyes, pleading for understanding. “Matthew . . . I feel like you’re my brother . . . my friend.”

“Husbands and wives need to be friends.”

“I don’t want to marry anyone. I just want to be free. To do what I want.” She looked away. “I’d never make you a good wife or mother to your sons. I’m too self-centered.”

His voice was a little huskier than normal. “Samantha . . . look at me. You’re breaking my heart. We were going to be together forever. Don’t you even care?”

Unshed tears made her eyes sparkle, as she met his gaze. “Yes, I do care. I care enough about you to make this break. It was our parents, not our hearts that talked of forever.”

“Pretty sure my heart was in on it, Samantha. This really hurts.”

“Because you love me like a sister. And you’ve grown accustomed to the idea of me. Does your heart race when I ride up to the ranch, Matthew?

“I’m always happy to see you. But . . . there are times when I have to finish what I’m doing, before I give you my attention.”

“Does . . . your . . . heart . . . race . . . when you see me?”

“It’s racing now.”

She stomped her foot. “It’s not the same thing and you know it!”

“Samantha . . . please reconsider,” he said gruffly.

“I’m sorry, Matthew. My mind is made up. I’m leaving with Mama Monday morning. She wants to attend church one more time and say her goodbyes.”

He looked back toward the house. “She sold the place?”

“This morning. To Shady Boswell.”

“He’s a good man.” He looked at her face, as if he were memorizing it. “Will you write to me and let me know how you’re doing? I’ll pray for your safety every night.”

“Yes . . . if you want me to write, I’ll do it. We don’t have a timetable or specific plans. Our agenda is to travel at our own speed and get to know the land and people. I’ll mail you letters along the way, but especially when we reach our destination. Thank you for your prayers.”

“Yes, ma’am. I guess that’s all I can do . . . pray. I better be getting back.” He reached for her hand as they walked and she let him hold it. “I’ve loved you most of my life, Samantha. I reckon I always will.”

Squeezing her hand, he said, “Spread your wings, my love. Newness is always exciting, but the day may come when you realize the comfort of the same old thing.”

She looked up and he saw the tears flowing down her cheeks. “Matthew . . .”

He drew her to him and kissed her with passion. “You’re not my sister. You’re the woman I love. The woman I want to be the mother of my sons.” He put his foot in the stirrup and settled onto the saddle, before regarding the emotions playing across her face. He nodded as he was turning the horse and never looked back.

Agatha was watching from the window. She held her daughter in her arms, until the tears subsided. “I waited to eat with you.”

“Thank you, but I can’t eat right now. Maybe a cup of ginger tea will help my stomach. It was hard out there, but I have no control over my selfish heart. It still wants very much to pursue our dream. But Mama . . . I do hate hurting him.”